1stthingsfirst

Hello,

Well, this is a hard thing to admit, but I am an alcoholic. I used to drink a beer 3 or 4 times a week, only in the evenings. Now, I am up to 4-6 drinks per day. Yesterday I crossed the line. I drank all day after a night of drinking 5 glasses of wine. What is wrong with me? Why do I do this? I just have a hard time coping with even minor stressors. I have never driven a car after a drink, but I am so foolish and embarrassed that my children have been in my care, when I was not able to drive. What if there were an emergency?

I am tired of not fulfilling commitments and letting my family down by not working enough and zoning out. I need to be a better mother, spend more time with my kids and go with the flow instead of having to control everything. I am choosing health, positivity and family. I am choosing to live and to accept that I have a problem that needs to be addressed right away.

I work from home and homeschool my children (they didn't get much work done yesterday). I used to be regimented and reliable; now I basically stay home and don't talk to anyone, unless it is after booze-fueled impulse to call friends or family in the evening. I know I need to get out more and visit with friends more.

I am working with a workbook and am bought several books. My plan is to taper from 3 drinks a day to zero, within a week.

I am currently taking Prozac, which helps, but I need camaraderie from others who are going through the same thing. I like to keep my life private, and despite reading that it is difficult to quite without a group, I am going to try to do it with online resources and a visit to a therapist. It is my secret and I am so ashamed, I couldn't bear it if anyone knew.

Thanks for listening. This is my first post. I plan to put "first things first" and stop procrastinating and really become more aware of my moment-to-moment stress so that I can live in the present and be more accepting and flexible with others and myself.