I don't think I will ever forget the way it felt, and how quickly he stood there and lied to me not once but twice. It was almost like he was a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar, and at that moment he seemed so weak to me. But he is not a child, or weak in character, so thank God he did step up and he is taking responsibility for his behavior.
He has a long way to go I know this. I asked if he used while we were apart and he said no. But one night he was feeling down and he started drinking (and he does not usually drink much, not even when he used the cocaine) so he said then he got more depressed and he wanted to get high, but he did not have any there. He thought about going to get some (he has to drive a ways to get it) and decided he had been drinking and it wasn't a good idea. said he finally fell asleep. Clearly he has work still ahead of him.
I didnt have a specific method that I used, but I have had some classes in communications so maybe it did pay off? It helped me to have time apart, and it helped me to organize my thoughts and needs by using like a risk/benefit method to look at what I wanted and why. I realized one important thing is that I wanted to use this to set a foundation for our communication especially now that he is in treatment. There could be more things happen we have to deal with. I wanted us both to be clear and understanding of the other, and what was going on, and try to work on a solution together. I wanted him to realize that Im with him, and not against him, but I also have respect for myself and I will not allow him to forget that. I was hoping he would think of giving me the key back, but instead he went straight for if I need time apart. But I guess that was ok, because then he really liked my idea of just giving the key back. men.