Here is the letter I wrote to myself:
Dearest Love,
Do you not know how long I've waited on you to listen to my words? I love you, so much. Why can't you believe me? Why do you keep pushing me away, shoving me down, silencing me . . . . hurting me?
Do you not realize, that in the end, you are only hurting yourself?
Yes, you've been hurt . . . rejected . . . .used . . . discarded. But haven't we all? Show me one person who has been left unscarred by Life and I will stop now and walk away.
I try to wake you at Dawn to whisper in your ear all the dreams I have for you. You shut me out. As the sun rises, you pretend we never spoke. You know the pain of not being loved back, why would you continue to do it to me?
I've given you words, gifts, opportunities to soar above the wreckage you continue to surround yourself with.
Why? How broken are you, is your view, that you cannot see the beauty I see?
Why do you hide from me . . . from the world . . . .yourself?
You deny what you want. You refuse to let yourself be loved. Or to love.
Yes, you've been hurt. Badly. But look before that moment of pain and see this . . . you were....you ARE capable of amazing love. Don't you know (and I know you do . . . stubborn, stubborn woman) that you will receive what you put out?
You want to be loved, underneath the armour, behind the walls, where you truly are, you want to be loved. You desire it. It drives every moment of your life. You think if you go fast enough, you can deny yourself. Aren't you worn out from running from where you're supposed to be?
Try this for me, please. Just . . . .STOP. Lie in the grass, stare at the stars, forget all you believe you know and just be. Listen to the sounds, to the nothing, feel your heartbeat. Listen my words.
You are loved. You have always been loved. You just refuse to believe it.
Your sadness has never come from lack of love, but your refusal to accept it.
Your tears have not gone unnoticed. They are a necessary cleansing. You have mourned, you are more whole now than you know.
Stop hiding your softness, your beauty . . . .your YOU'ness. Because, you can't hide it much longer. I see it and desire it strongly. I desire the love I know you are capable of.
Do you not understand how necessary it is for you to Love me? To Love yourself?
How do you plan on ever reaching your goals, succumbing to those desires that awaken you, begging to be heard, while you wipe the tears from your cheeks., if you refuse to ever look beyond that which you cling to so strongly. Be warned, it may hold you up now, but things that weak have a tendency of letting go before you are ready.
Do you really want to continue existing when you are capable of Living?
I love you. I have always loved you. Even when you were too broken to know it. In fact, I loved you the most when you were the most broken. I loved you when you clutched at nothing, begging for some relief. I was there, but you pushed me away.
You are amazing. You are beauty. You are loved . . . .
Sincerely,
You