Welcome to SR but I'm really sorry for your pain and for your loss Sarah.
The thing I found out about drugs tho is they never help me throuh anything, especially grief.
All they did was keep me in a holding pattern because all I ever did was run away from engaging and dealing with my grief.
Sadness is painful and uncomfortable and it sucks - but it's a natural reaction to death and tragedy.
Working through sadness we get through to the other side where we can remember the good times and the good memories, start to smile a little again, and come to terms with our loss.
Drugs halt that process. Don't waste years grieving like I did. The wound never heals when we never expose it to the air.
D