dasiydoc

After having spent a week apart from my boyfriend, we talked on Saturday about everything that was going on including my need for time to think after I found the small stash of drugs at my house. So this post is going to talk about what happened, and that includes talk of him. Im doing it on purpose to share the events, his side, and not only my feelings.

First thing I did was thank him for giving me this week to think quietly and on my own. I would not have realized this was a big deal if I hadn’t read so many people post here about how seldom that happens, and usually there is a bombardment of texts and phone calls. I respect him for this. I am also proud of myself for requesting the time apart, and for handling it all without an emotional breakdown.

I had lost all my anger by taking this week apart and thinking. So I talked to him and explained about the disappointment I felt finding drugs hidden at my place when I knew he was aware it was something I did not want in my house. I also told him it had been shocking to me that he would lie to my face (saying they had been forgotten, and then denying there were more until pressed when he disclosed another stash). But I also told him that I knew lying went with drug use, and it helped me realize that the drugs have obviously affected him in ways that I did not recognize earlier. But, I did not think his overall character was one of a “liar”. It would however progress to that if he continued using cocaine.

I will skip over part of it, but he says he talked to his doctor about all of it while he had two sessions last week. Having this happen made him realize also that the drug use has crept into his life and affected his character in ways that made him sick and disgusted with himself. He mentioned a couple of other examples he identified (not related to me) and I could tell he had given it some thought. He said ultimately he chose to do what he wanted to do because he thought it was no big deal, and I would never know. He said when he talked to the doctor, he realized that I was right and that my mom could have found the drugs, or a friend, or if he had got into some legal trouble, or a problem at work then it could have been traced back to me and my home.

Obviously he agreed not to leave any drugs stashed at my house. He asked me if I forgave him, and I told his yes, but that trust had been damaged by this, and it would take time for it to mend. He asked what he could do, and I told him I didn’t know, and I asked what he thought he could do. He didn’t know. Later that day when we had ventured to the park, I asked if he came up with a solution. He said that although he didn’t want it, he would understand if I felt the need to take time apart from him while he continues to work on his issues in therapy. I know he was sincere, but I told him I did not want that, or need to do that right now. I told him that perhaps I would take back the key to my house for a while until I felt more comfortable. He liked this idea just fine, and told me he would “earn” it back. I told him I knew he would. I also said he is welcome to come over just as before, except for this time period it will be when I am there. We actually went back to my house after this, and while I was afraid it would feel awkward, it didn’t.

I am happy with how this played out. I feel like I was able to make a boundary about my not willing to accept my home as a convenient storage area for drugs (if he does relapse again). I feel like I was able to communicate this without being witchy, and also explaining the reasoning behind it so he understood why I felt this way. I am glad I made the discussion interactive and asked “what he thought he could do”. I feel like it kept the communication open between us, and since we are keeping our relationship together, we need to work on overall relationship issues together.