Hey everyone!
I'm so worried about my drinking. By now I am fully convinced I am an alcoholic. I relapsed again a couple of times since I posted the last time, everytime going on 3-4 day binges, but quitting months in between. There I was still convinced of the problem, but like many of us at the beggining, I was in denial, convinced there was nothing really wrong and suffering from mild to none alcohol withdrawals.
But I believe these time I'll be big, the binges are becoming longer and the hangovers/withdrawals also.
I know I'm the stupidest person in the world, but I got on my last Binge this time, and also the longest (8 day long). Eating just one or two times a day but drinking about a bottle of vodka the last 3 or 4. Afterwards I went straight to the clinic, they didn't gave me anything but recommended a detox, still I just stayed there for the first 24 hours, still denying it would be that bad. Since I got there on my own I was also able to leave whenewer I wanted. Blood preassure and temperature were always normal. But weird schakes in the body everynow and then, specially in the night, were I wasnt able to sleep. Was able to eat two times a day, even more on the last.
As I was staying there I felt in the first morning pretty fine, was always able to eat but still was a little shaky But after 5 o'clock, around the time I left it did deffinitely got worse, but then again completely fine, I experienced mild blurry vision and almost none headaches, also mild sweat. As it got completely fine it lasted for about three hours in which I had some conversation with my buddies hier, even did a bit of excersie, everything was but the pupils. No shakes no headache everything but the big pupils. (Btw, as I was in the hospital they didn't really wanted me to leave, stating I was experiencing minor withdrawals, after a while of checking out the doc just recommended to eat and drink a lot).
Like I said later I was able to run a bit have some talks with my buddies and even cooking coup, and doing some work for college.
Then the shakes came again this time quiet strong, but shorted period and then sweating.
But the thing that completely worried is a shape I saw in the white screen when I tried to foccus, the whole time like an octupus moving his arms, kinda difficut to describe as it fades away when I dont look at it straight ahead. I'm still able to write this right now.
I'm studying abroad and my mother is coming to visit me in eleven days, I dont want to surprise her by having her just in the hospital.
What should I do? As I was at the detox centre I talked to other heavy drinkersand their experiences ar far worse. But I am so afraid of those facilities, What sould I do?? I Alcohol really screwed me completelly, its due time for my uniwork in 2 weeks and I still need to write 30 pages. is there, in any way any solution to this problem right now? Please help! Im sick and tired of drinking I wont do it again aver ever... to prove how this is ruining my life: I'm 21 years old, btw before that binge drink I had another one for about a month ago, without any seriosly repercussion afterwards. If I dont quit, I die.