oh sweetie - this is such a difficult time - so much pain, grief and heartache
but please hang in there - Hope is with you and I do believe that in time things will get better
will all the pain go away - hmm probably not, but as long as you stay focused in your recovery program I do believe you will find a way to process it and heal.
I know I did.
I was with my exah for almost 17 yrs ~ it was I who chose to walk away ~ after 10 1/2 yrs of active use, then 2 1/2 yrs of recovery and then another 3 yrs of multiple relapses and the continued downward spiral - I knew it was time to go . . .
As others have heard me share - ours was an ugly split, but that was over 4 yrs ago now and I can say now I don't regret the marriage.
I regret staying as long as I did & the damage it did to our daughters but I know there were good times & bad; I know that I in my own disease played a part in some of those bad times as much as his disease did too.
My daughters & grandchildren miss their sober father/grandfather - they had him for a few years and he was a very active part of their lives ~ then that darkness overtook his life and the light of recovery died in his eyes - They talk about at least they have some good memories ~ Because of recovery I can encouragement them to cherish those memories, rather than hate everything about him.
Today I am a wiser, healthier, more compassionate, forgiving and understanding woman because of what I survived
I truly believe you will be too ~ allow your HP to walk with you thru this painful time - it is definitely not easy but the healing that occurs is worth it for yourself and your family ~
the great reward is peace ~
don't give up before the miracle happens in you - you deserve it
pink hugs