my3sons, much of what you are feeling right now is the grieving that almost always comes with the loss of a significant relationship--whether it was good or bad.
You need people that understand what living with addiction is all about and can support you as you build a new and healthy life. Keep coming here. Also alanon and counseling is a vital source of this kind of support.
Don't try to go this alone!!!!
very sincerely, dandylion