Day 32, and this cold weather is definitely making me lazy. Just at the point where I need to be out there digging, the weather turns first wet, and then bitterly cold, so I've been more or less stuck indoors. So why haven't I been here? Good question. The simple answer is I need to get back to last year when I'd ruddy well make time to post rather than just posting when I find the time.
I was thinking about the 'inheritance', and the more I think about it, the stranger it seems, and the less sense it makes. It's vaguely possible that it's a case of mistaken identity, but, back in Derbyshire, my last name was pretty damn rare. We were the only entry in the phonebook. Now either they were just using my first name, which seems unlikely, or they had some other reason for looking for me. Like maybe they wanted to know if I was still alive?
Whichever way it is, I've heard nothing, not even a 'no, you're not the person we were looking for'. Which considering I was told to get in touch ASAP... feels wrong.
I'm in a good place today, and I'll be having a quiet day. A little tidying up, a little writing. A little cooking. Keeping busy so that my head doesn't get out of hand.
More memories have returned, plus I now have the benefit of hindsight, and stuff's starting to make sense. I once, well, several times over the years I was on antidepressants, that I didn't know what was wrong, but that I'd be upset if they turned round and said, 'Oh, all you need to do is x and you'll be fine,' because I'd want to say, 'well then, why didn't you say that back in 2003?'
Now, I have a good idea what it was, and yes, it is fairly simple, isn't it? Ah well,
this says it better than I can.
Have a good day folks, be gentle with yourselves. And remember, life does get better when we actually get sober. If only it were a case of just putting the drink down... but we can do it. Together we can do it. And for that, I thank you all. It's something I need to remember more often.
Love and Hugs to you all. And may your higher power go with you. x x