JohnYEC

I have been trying to stop drinking on and off again for the past 4 years. I have even had some success here and there. I'll stop for a few weeks or even a few months, but I always relapse and go back to drinking again, often heavier than before. I also snort percoset (I figure it's best to be completely honest here) when I can get it, which luckily is not very often. I quit doing illegal drugs (meth and weed) completely 2 and half years ago, so I am proud of myself for that, but I still have that same addictive OCD behavior, only it is channeled into something else. I am so freaking sick of my behavior, I don't want to be addicted anymore! I don't know if I can ever be completely free of my addictive personality, but maybe I can channel my addictive behavior into something that is not destructive like coffee or exercise or work or something.

I would label myself as a functional alcoholic. I have a job, I go to school full time (online), and I meet most of my day to day obligations, but just barely. I have had to drop classes because I've fallen so far behind, and I have called in to work a few times because I got drunk, but I haven't f@#$ed things up completely. Some weekends I just sit around and drink all day long. I am so lazy on days like that, I don't get anything done. I could be doing a lot better. I want to do better. I am also a Christian, and so it weighs heavily on my conscious as well, and I fell like a major hypocrite. I would like to get involved in a church or some sort of group, but because I drink so much I feel embarrassed to go. Drinking holds me back from doing so many things that I want to do.

I don't know what I'm expecting here, but I wanted to reach out to someone. I'm hoping that talking to people who have overcome similar problems will encourage me to finally put this addiction to rest. I will contemplate and consider all suggestions and advice. If you can provide me with links to things I should read I will read them.