Dear My3sons, I also agree with what KatieKate just said.
When a person is drinking alcoholically,or even in early recovery, the whole person was NEVER completely present for you to know. Their constant battle inside their own brain with the grotesque disease--that lies to them and alters their reality--prevents them from being open and honest. Really, they don't even know themselves. What they know is how do defend the disease.
In addition, if they are not working the 12 steps with all of their determination, they aren't even in TRUE recovery mode. They are just "dry". Their attitudes and thinking haven't changed--so, naturally, their behaviors haven't either. The healing is in the steps.
My short answer is that we don't know the real person.
We do know how they treat us, though. We have to decide if we want that in our lives or not.
sincerely, dandylion