Welcome to SR.
We are chock full of support. I know what it's like to try to hide liquor and drinking from my family, and to be mortified when they found it. I also know what it's like to be full of self-loathing. Fortunately, I also know what it's like to move past it!
You asked a lot of questions in your first post. There are answers here on this forum. However, all the external support in the world can't keep you sober. Only you can do that. There's lots of information here about different things that work for different people. Do some reading. Knowledge is power.