Welcome biggirl. You're never alone - you have us - and we all understand. I'm glad you joined. You'll find the support and encouragement you need to get well and heal from all you've been through.
I agree with Dee - please concentrate on staying sober and getting your health back. There'll be time for confessions later - if you decide they are necessary.
You can do this, biggirl. You'll be free of it and have a wonderful life - no more misery.