Hi and Welcome,
I'm glad you found us.
It's great that you've decided to seek support for your drinking. We do understand how hard this is and acknowledging that you can't stop drinking, even though you want to, is a big step forward.
Your post reminded me of one of my favorite books, "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. It's a memoir of a young, high-functioning alcoholic woman and her love affair with wine. It's the book that made me believe, maybe I could do this.