TryingHarder, welcome.
I told myself I didn't have a problem because I didn't drink every day. Then I started drinking every day. So I told myself I didn't have a problem because I didn't drink too much every day. Then I started drinking too much every day. Clearly, I had a problem as soon as I started telling myself I didn't have a problem.
I'm glad you got the nerve to post - keep doing it. I look forward to sharing this journey with you.