I will tread very lightly here out of respect to Robby and the mods... Disease thinking did lead me to relapse. It was the best excuse ever. "I cannot control picking up the first drink"... I used it for a long time.
Then I came to this conclusion... It is possible I have the "disease of alcoholism". The only known cure is abstinence. I may just seek "deeep pleasure" from alcohol which means one will never be enough to satisfy my beasts' appetite once I start. Only way to avoid that happening is abstinence. Either way I can't rationally put any alcohol in my body