It is good to get an update from you, Pravchaw.
If you read my very first posts, you'll see I came here asking for advice about my decision to not let my 19 yo RAD live at home after 28 days of inpatient. Based on all the affirmation I got here, I did not let her come home. She will likely never live with us again, by her own choosing now, and I truly believe that living on her own has actually HELPED her recovery. There are too many triggers at home and the ghosts of old behaviors just waiting to settle in again.
He's 21. Perhaps its time that he figure his own life out. If he knows he can live at home in a month or two or six, his goal for recovery will likely only be long enough to get what he wants--living the easy life at home again. Then the backsliding will begin again.
There are very likely Sober Living Environments (SLEs) in your city, and there may even be some for college students. There are in my city of less than a million. If he is committed to sobriety, these will be welcome suggestions from you, but once you've offered, just back off.
Backing off with my daughter, while initially painful, is actually now leading us to a better relationship.
She is in her 2nd semester of college since she got clean, and today called me all stressed out, saying she thought the semester was going to be a $2k mistake. I said, "Are you going to fail all your classes, honey?" She said, "No, I'm just not doing as well as I'd like." Her standard for herself is actually higher than mine! I share this as an example for you. Let him feel the consequences of his own actions and then maybe he will surprise even himself with his own strength and determination.
Keep us posted. Have you been to AlAnon or NarAnon yet?
