Well I do not like to see this Per.
But it is OK. Take that from a chronic relapser such as myself til something sank in....I started working my arse off for sobriety instead of working my arse off to get drunk. Your desire to quit drinking HAS GOT TO BE STRONGER than your desire to pick up tho.
But the good news is that tomorrow is another day to keep trying and you have expressed the desire to do just that!!
You know the insanity of this whole alcoholism gig is expecting anything to be different from the last time we picked up....it's always the same outcome; hence as to why you are here on SR after drinking TODAY and wanting to be sober TOMORROW. You can find ways to stop that insanity at a meeting. Make a meeting a priority this time.
Just like I told you before; you CAN do this! Best of luck!