As my husband says “ it’s not a lie if I believe it”
But in all seriousness, I do believe he wanted to stop when he said it, he even made efforts to do so, but it wasn’t ever as easy as he thought it would be. In some ways I wondered if he underestimated how bad his addiction was, but then again it doesn’t matter which side you sit on denial rules.
Oh those lies, but then the truth when you get it, isn’t all that easy to swallow either. My husband had no problem walking in the door and saying and without being asked, ok I am using again, I don’t know why and I don’t know when I will stop … But I know this is no life. I didn’t find that to be some game.
It was never his lies anyway, it was the ones I was telling myself.
I also still wonder why anyone asks questions they already know the answers too, but then I do know why that is done. And why it has nothing to do with the addict in ones life.
Picking the truth from the lies = insanity.
To go one further.
One interesting thing I learned a long time ago, when I was very young. It never much mattered when I told the truth, I was still going to be a liar. I didn’t lie, it was so obvious when I used. I just choose not to answer the questions when the answer was already very clear. But I will say that first time you tell the truth and are treated as a liar, and the second and the third … the rules change and it really doesn’t matter anymore.
In my case back then, it wouldn’t have matter what I did, if I lied, told the truth, refused to answer, got clean, kept using … because she needed the chaos, and she would react based on what she needed, which had nothing to do with the truth or lack thereof.