((((wichitagirl))))
Huge hugs and prayers sent your way. Everyone is different. We all have our own experiences and walk our own path. So, I will relate my own experience. I was not able to do it alone. I tried and tried and tried and failed. Finally, down on my knees, knowing that I was going to die from this disease one way or another, I surrendered. I was finally teachable. For me, the only way I have been able to stay clean is to go to meetings and work the steps with a great sponsor.
Fortunately there are a lot of options. All the way from inpatient detox and treatment to anonomous meetings (12 step and other). For me, there simply is no substitute for one addict helping another. These people understand my pain and bewilderment because they have been there themselves.
Sounds to me like anonomous meetings might be a good start for you (those Stepford wives don't have to know).
Hang in there.
jojo