Originally Posted by
shinebright7 
I think when my husband says he doesn't want to hurt me, he really means it. He wishes it wouldn't happen.
But he can't help it because HE is not in control.
The addiction is.
We are powerless over alcohol/addiction.
My husband does not want to hurt me.
My husband's addiction does not care who is hurt.
They are separate entities.
^^^^^^^^^
THIS!!!
I don't think my ex ever meant to hurt me either.. But he was so caught up in his addiction that it was controlling him.. Drugs were the most important thing in his life.. He never took responsibility for his actions.. It was always someone else's fault...
I heard countless times, "I'm going to stay clean for good this time" I'm going to get a better job" be a better husband etc.. At the time maybe he meant it and had good intentions...but you know what they say.. The road to hell is paved with good intentions... I finally had to rely on his actions and not his words because I became some disappointed in every empty promise... This is where I learned to detach.. His actions told me things were not getting better.. My gut told me things were only going to get worse so I listened to my gut..
It's a process and it takes a lot of work to detach, set boundaries and to let go of the things you cannot change.. That's why they call it one day at a time