wow - I could totally relate to everything you just listed! Yes: I don't like that I lost my normal life at some point last year.
I know the 'not likes' are starting to outnumber the one 'like' of the short times during the day when it makes me feel good.
Tell me: did you stop all by yourself? What led to your seeking help? Were you able to do it "under the radar" (what I'm trying to do), or did you have to do an inpatient program? Can regular attendance at NA meetings do the trick? Or do I need to get a jumpstart through a hospital stay? I've got good insurance, but that step would be so public. My kids would not only hate me, they'ld kill me because they'ld be so embarassed - I live in a highly religious community and they're very aware that all the other mothers around here are perfect.... I know that you're thinking: 'that's just what she thinks on the outside looking in; NO one's perfect!' Trust me, jojo, these Stepford wives/moms ARE! It's a huge Mormon population and I don't know if you knwo much about these families, but these moms do EVERYthing for their kids. Because I'm a 'stay-at-home' mom, that pits me right where they are.
I'm sorry I'm rambling, but this is the kind of stuff I start thinking about when i start seriously thinking about facing this thing down: all the repercussions.... the ripples this will create in our family waters, so to speak.
I'm crying. I'm lost. I don't want to go on and yet I must! Sometimes I wish I would just OD and then I would be done with this thing and in the arms of someone who will finally forgive me and love me for who I used to be!