Kind Eyes - I am learning a lot from you thank you...
My husband and I both minimize his usage (until this last binge where it became MAJOR!)
I told myself it wasn't a serious thing becuase he is imbalanced in some way with anxiety/depression issues and is just trying to help himself feel better...
I justified it saying that he's had such a rough childhood so it's natural that he'd want to numb out sometimes...
And that he has PTSD issues from his time in jail is enough reason to want to do use also...
Not that it still didn't make me crazy when he would hide and sneak around and lie to me about using, but we always just made up afterward and forgot about it.
This time we are not doing that.
Well, at least I"M not doing that.
I get it now. He's an addict and it's in the consciousness of our relationship now.
And my mom knows. I told her out of desperation during the binge period.
So it's not staying in total hiding and denial anymore. And I'm going to meetings every day (either Al Anon or open AA meetings) and I am here on this board every day now and I am committed to making my life work.
I am catching myself SO MUCH MORE QUICKLY when I go into codependent behaviors. It's really like WOW there I go again...
But I am not beating myself up about it today.
Instead, I feel grateful to see what I'm seeing about myself so I can clean it up.
Every piece of sickness I clean up within myself is going to make my life that much better and I'm excited for that and looking forward to when I feel more whole like I used to before I was affected by the disease of addiction.
Thank you for being here and sharing your insights and wisdom. Like I said, I'm really learning a lot from you and I'm very appreciative of that. xo