Originally Posted by
scacra1 
Hi Shinebright
How i would describe it is a very good question. I used to feel love, worry, concern, hurt etc etc... but this time i looked at him and thought he was a selfish disgusting pig. I had no emotion, i just wanted him out of my environment, so when he collapsed on the floor and went into a drunken sleep 'type thing' smiled, and had a peaceful feeling.
It worries me that im not angry, hurt, that i don't want to stop him, i just felt detached. totally.
The overriding thought this morning.... that he's weak, so very weak, and if he doesn't care for himself why should I? I understand he's ill, and i used to wish i could take his pain away.... but now.... im just not sure.
As for how you reconcile that? ive no idea! if you find a way.. please share!
I think this is a great question! It's hard to reconcile that state, especially in the context of a relationship. While I still loved and did lots of worrying when I saw XAH get drunk last, it wasn't as much worry for him and his life as it was for me and my life. I think keeping the focus on you is key. What do you want and deserve out of this situation?