How we change?
so... some of you may remember my story, im back and forward with it. Im with an active alcoholic, he works hard each day, doesn't drink during the week, and we made compromise over the weekends, now sat at 2 big bottles of beer sat/sun and working well.
im aware that i am ignoring the problem, but this worked for both of us and didn't cause anyone any pain, and i don't ever get to see him drunk, so this was fine, no lying or hiding drink etc.. and the acceptance that every once in a while he'll slip, get ridiculously drunk, for a day or 2, and then all will be good again.
so this weekend is slip up weekend, got a bit too drunk Friday, had a drink Saturday morning, said he was then going to the shops, came back drunk, woke up last night after this, went to the shops, bought wine, drank all, and is now laid on the settee in the front room making all kinds of alcoholic sleep kinda noises - im expecting when i go to the gym today that he will be drunk by the time i get back.
im more worried about me, yesterday was different, i knew what was going to happen when he said he was popping to the shops, but part of me didnt care, i watched him go not really bothered, when he got back in and was drunk, i wasnt bothered, and was so pleased when he fell asleep, u heard him wake in the early hours and get more drink, and i didnt care, and i looked at him this morning and before i used to feel the need to help, to worry about what he was doing to himself, but i didnt feel that, i didnt care, i only care about him not doing it in my space, about me not feeling any pain from it.
the change is dramatic, i used to want to control and cure, although im aware of the 3 c's, i used to feel his pain and want to take it away and make it right, but now i feel nothing, not even surprised.
in a way its great, no more of this ruling my life, no more of it upsetting me, no more of it controlling me, i guess i have truly detached, but what does that mean? where do i go from here?