Ann and LMN I can so relate!
I was 21 1/2 years old with a new baby and my husband's exwife was dying from
alcoholism and we went into court (she signed her rights away) and I adopted his
four children ranging in age from 6 to 13, so now I had 5 kids a job, a husband away
in the military. Talk about trying to be Superwoman, sheesh
I remember he came home on leave one time and made a comment about there
being fingerprints on the kitchen cabinets (with 5 kids, of course there are finger
prints, lol) I just looked at him, then handed him a cleaning cloth and said "have
at it." Well, you would have thought I had asked him to go out and buy me a
Rolls Royce. OMG Yes this was my 1st hubby the alcoholic. I wasn't quite
'stepped over that line yet' but was close.
I look back now, with all the information I have garnered over the years including
finding out I am Bi Polar, and I am amazed at how I did hold it together for so long,
through the divorce really. Then from age 31 to 36 is when I really hit the booze,
ending up on the streets of Hollyweird. Sheeesh
You think I would have learned my lesson, but damn if I didn't try to do 'it' again
(without the booze). Married to my 2nd husband (the sober alkie that turned into
the gambler). Again house had to be spotless (pretty hard to do when he would
leave his dirty coffee cups and full ashtrays all over the house (they were too heavy
to carry to the kitchen), holding a full time plus over time job, had AA meetings to
go to, and had a sponsee living with us.
Oh, even before I got married to Kenn, in my own apartment my sponsor would call
me in the morning about 7:20am and tell me to go unmake my bed, put my coffee
cup back in the sink, fill it with water and leave it, roflmao I could make the bed and
wash out the cup and bowl when I got home from work.
She did this to get me to 'relax' my perfectionism, lol It was only once I got to Alanon
that I started to learn how NOT to control everything and everyone in my life, lol Even
gave away my Superwoman cape that I had 'stashed' in the back of my closet/mind. It
took some work on my part, but oh it WAS SO WORTH IT.
I finally believed I had actually done it, when my half sister came to live with me for 2
years, it was great. Now she is coming back to stay for good this time!!!!!! We stay
out of each others lives unless invited in. And even sharing a house it was amazing how
quickly we built a routine and the house stayed neat (even with the 4 dogs) but not
'Better Home and Gardens' neat, rofmao Oh and in recovery I was able to figure out
where a lot of this 'superwoman, better homes and garden house came from'. My
mother, sheesh every house we lived in she had to put in White Wool Carpeting, and
I was the one who got the cleaning chores, and woe was me if the job I did wasn't up
to her standards.
So, I just know you can do this (((((LoveMeNow))))), others before you have and you
are doing this changing and working on you and SHARING it with all of us, and
especially the ones that have come after you!!!!!
Love and hugs,