That is an awesome share, LMN, and indeed your recovery is shining.
Even though my addicted loved one is my son, I see myself as it was in what you post here. At one time I was dealing with a dying elderly mother, a husband who was running a 24/7 business, a son who was spinning out of control in his addiction, and my own business that required time and energy and lots of hours just to keep things afloat. To people outside, I looked like Superwoman, because I could do it all and keep a clean house as well. I too was the glue that held it all together....or so I thought.
What I discovered is that the glue was in my brain...I simply did not have the power over anyone's life or choices. When I tried to control them, I really gave them ALL the power because if they did what I thought they should do, I was happy...and if they did not, I was sad/mad/frustrated/scared/emotional/neurotic. I had given them the power over my emotions and lost myself in the process somewhere. I had become my mother's daughter, my son's mother, my husband's wife...and the only person who had put me in these roles was ME.
Once I gave up the illusion of power, I was free to get to know "that stranger called me" and this was the first step to my recovery. This is when the healing began.
"We admitted we were powerless over others and our lives had become unmanageable"
My name is Ann and I am a codependent.
Hugs