Oh dear. You're not going to like what I'm going to say, but I think you need to break it off. It doesn't need to be a permanent break... but reading what you wrote, this situation does not sound healthy, fun, or anything positive.
I can totally relate... I grew up with an emotionally abusive person in my life and later on, I went on to date plenty of the same. By being around this person for most of my life, I hadn't learned to recognize when enough was enough. I was completely accustomed to trying to help, trying to fix people, letting their poor behavior go because "I understand why he's like this". Truth is, there are always reasons that people treat themselves and others poorly... but that doesn't make it OK. Maybe having so many alcoholics in your family has similarly raised your tolerance for pain.
I know you love him. But he's told you in no uncertain words, plus in actions, that he has no intentions of quitting right now. Until he decides to quit, he's going to continue treating you like a jerk that's trying to control him. He won't recognize that you're doing it out of love. Resentment will grow for both of you.
Get out of this situation. Tell him that you love him and if he decides to get better, you would love to give things another try, but at the moment staying together is hurting both you and him.
You should also get a second opinion from the Friends and Family of Alcoholics group here on SR:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information I'm coming at it from the angle of an alcoholic (who knows full well that I was never able to quit when others wanted me to, only when I wanted to). They can give you advice from having gone through it from your side of the situation.