Paying for bad decisions
Well, I come and go come and go come and go.
5 hours ago was the start of my quitting. CT. Thats because 4 hours ago I was offered a new job. A very good job. I was not expecting it. Doesn't matter. My bad decisions are going to f*** me. I have not received any paper work yet, but I know there will be a drug test. I probably will not get the job because I doubt I will pass the test even if I don't use anything from here to there (My DOC is oxy and hydro). I guess if me quitting comes out of this then it is a net gain. But, sucks that I could not get this under control and have most likely cost myself a good position (I am currently employed).
Hell, lets be honest. I don't really deserve the job until I am sober and no longer making foolish life decisions.
Right now I am depressed and dejected. I know in my heart I am not a loser. I am a good father and human, but I am an addict and it is going to finally bite me.
Maybe this is rock bottom, it sure feels like rock bottom. Not only am I facing the possibility of not getting this nice job. The next 7 days are going to suck from what I read.. But, 7 days for the rest of your life is a good trade. I wonder if i will think that in 24 hours.