When I look back at all the stages I have gone through and all the pain, guilt, and fear that I have lived-I agree it takes time.
It took me a year of planning and preparation before I could escape. I needed outside help (from family out of state)...And I decided the day my oldest daughter graduated would be that day. For six months I painfully let go. I built up my own character, made a few friends and counted down the days. There really hasnt been one day I didnt love him and it was very very hard but I knew it was my only chance to live a life where I wasnt guilty, hurting, and afraid. I drove away as normal that day, longingly looking one last time into his eyes with love,(he looked back at me cold and only glad to see me go so he could binge) tears strolling down my face for hours and hours til I was numb and several states away.
On that 2 day drive I decided to give myself time. If i needed to call him or had that terrible urge- I would wait 6 hours-then if i still wanted to call I would...but usually I was angry again by that time and it worked this way all summer. I think I only called him 3 times and each time I regreted it-figures, lol. I returned to our homestate when school started again and rebuilt the kids and my life here.
The moral of my story is I use time now to control my urges and I need to remember that I may feel rotten, or weak one hour of the day-but it shall pass and I will be stronger in a day or two. I am not hard on myself and I just ride it out. It gets easier each time...I feel strong today! Thanks for the welcome Lorelai and SNL laughs Wray.