Welcome NMacq! I think you'll find being here with us very helpful. You aren't alone anymore - we all know what it's like to struggle with this beast.
I drank all my life and didn't get off the merry-go-round until my 50's. I don't know why I thought it was making my life easier or more fun. It was a living hell in the end. With the help of SR I was able to let go of it and begin a new life. You can do it. Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing.