Lorelai,
It's always progress and not perfection for me. I used to live like that. Now I occasionally fall back. Sometimes there are strong triggers that I don't have a defense for. Some people in my life just know what buttons to push to get me reacting in the way they want. I don't know if I'll ever be immune to that. But I have to look at it as temporary, and not nearly as devastating.
Maybe some day you will not react to him that way. But like others have said, it takes time. I believe you have come a long way. Not perfect, but sooooo much better. Hugs, Magic