Would you ever?
ZiggyStardust's question about taking to his addicts father got me thinking about my Ex.
This guy wasn't an alcoholic or an addict, but he was very dysfunctional. I left him after 6 years and never looked back. He was abusive- more emotionally. He put his hands on me once but stopped himself.
It's taken me years as a member of this site to actually process that he was the child of an addict. I mean, I knew that and knew that his childhood was the issue, but never really fully processed it. He went through some very painful things, that took years for him to share with me. He spent most of his childhood in foster care and his mom died on the streets as an addict while we were dating.
I don't love him anymore, wouldn't see him if I had the opportunity and live hundreds of miles away. But I do feel for him. We did have some strange sort of connection even for years after I left. I mean that like my mom, if I thought of him I would hear from him within minutes. Too spread out and random to be coincidence. I hear from him occasionally but never talk to him for more than 5 mins. I am very distant if we do speak.
I did once lose my cool and tell him he needed serious help, that his messed up childhood didn't give him the right to treat me like garbage. That he treated the people that loved him the most the worst. (He was actually decent to everyone else.)
Is it completely delirious of me to consider sending him an email telling him things might help him that I have learned since then? I know it might not make any difference but you never know what triggers someone to accept that life doesn't have to be so complicated if you recognize that your experiences affect you deeply. He has a daughter now and just might be better able to hear than he was before.
Just wondering what people think. This would be one and done for me, not an ongoing conversation.