Originally Posted by
melissa6381 
Precious I could not be more proud of you! These are some really honest and insightful revalations, couldn't have been easy to dig that deep. Number 5 in particular is amazing. I think that one will help not only yourself but other people who read it.
Want to leave you with a quote:
"Is suffering really necessary? Yes and no. If you had not suffered as you have, there would be no depth to you, no humility, no compassion." -- Eckhart Tolle, author of "The Power of Now."
It's really kinda weird. It is no so much that I really had to dig deep.
I knew I had issues and that I had a problem that caused the drinking/addiction. Caused such a problem I voluntarily admitted myself into a 60 day rehab. I got out and was sober for almost nine months. got a sponsor, went to lots of meetings etc..
I was not drinking, and I was a lot better. Then the relapse, then another and another. I think 5 or 6 in the last few months.
I have been driving myself crazy wondering why I relapsed after so long. The relapses became worse and worse, but with each relapse I realized more and more how much I was not dealing with my issues. ANd by that I mean people taking advantage of me, me not being able to hold others accountable, me not believing in myself; therefore not really trying or engaging in much etc...
I thought I was ok during my 9 months sober, because i was "sober" and going to meetings. I was sober but I still was avoiding the parts (most parts) of my life.
I was working the steps (slowing and alone). I got to step 6/7 and asked god to remove my shortcomings. I don't think I understood all of or the extent my shortcomings affected me.
Now (day four) that I am done withdrawing and feeling sorry for myself i can reflect and see how my hp is starting to answer my prayers, esp the one about removing my shortcomings .
I guess he had to help me see them first.
I know this isn't everyones story but if it help even just one other person that is good.
I just want to say this is "my" story as I see it right now. Please don't take what I am saying and let your addict minds think "well a relapse helped precious kitty" maybe it will me too.