Originally Posted by
PreciousKitty 
If it helps; whine away Pamel, but don't bury yourself in SP (that's bad stuff)
I can relate to thinking the husband would solve everything. That was a sad realisation for me. Now I have to be honest about the fact that maybe he has added to the prob?? I'm so confused.
It is a hard balance for me to see things for how they are, and hold others accountable, but also to make sure I blaming someone if it's maybe me??? Very confused when I have to deal with my life. I guess that is why I have been in denial for so long.
Smiles 4 u!
Thanks for your post! One of the most discomforting things about getting sober (starting Day 7) is that you start looking at all the things you drowned in alcohol, husband being the big one.
I think, rather than dealing with "us" in the last 10 years I have either capitulated to his wants and needs, or relied on alcohol to get through bad days. He was planning a 10th year anniversary for us when I drank (I think because things were not between us what he thought they were, and I did not want to take the noble path of truth, so I drank.
Thus began 3 months of hell, culminating with me moving to the guest bedroom and feeling lower than a snake in a ditch. Since then I have gone back to AA, gotten a great sponsor, and started with an equally great therapist. Life is stabilizing, and I am moving back upstairs "as a couple" with the caveats that I continue the more healthy life for my self, and that he work on his own addiction: smoking/nicorette.
This is mostly based on the AA principle: "No major changes within the first year." I don't know if our marriage will last, but I DO know that my sobriety has to come first.
BTW I think there is plenty of blame to go around. I have been made to think that all our troubles stemmed from me. Just in the last 6 days I have seen that my problems are definitely mine, his are his, and ours are ours. It helps to think of it as three buckets: one for your problems to solve, one for his, and the third for both of you. At least it has clarified my vision and lessoned my guilt.