Wow, what a story.
Sounds like your husband's AV doesn't like the reflection he sees of himself in your sober eyes. Glad you're staying strong in spite of the non-support.
I don't recall if I ever missed anything regarding my children because I started drinking early in the evening. I recall many times being a bit resentlful sitting at a practice or school music program because it was delaying my buzz. Hopefully it did not show. (I kept a pretty good lid on it while they were younger. It was mostly in the past few years when I was losing all control on my drinking situation.)