A very similar situation happened to me and that is why I decided to come in and meet ya'll. After 6 months of seperation from my addict, I invited him to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with my children, his daughter and myself. I have felt so strong and have grown content without the craziness that once filled our home. We are all happier and the girls all agree there is so much more peace without him. But, when he was here I felt so happy-he was that sweet easy going guy. He spent two nights and I enjoyed every minute. I was trying to be kind, loving, and "normal" and give him a holiday with the only family he has. I knew that, like before, this was temporary and I reminded myself that it would end. I never expected what would happen next. He called desperately needing to get out of the bachelor house he was in. He needed a place to stay for a few days while he got money from his family. He needed to be with us to get clean and sober. We were the whole reason he was here in this area. We were all he cared about and his roomate-workmate was a control freak, stealing from him, not paying him, etc...(I knew this game...I know i was only hearing what he wanted me to hear. I knew that control meant not letting him use or destroy the business or home they were living in. Stealing from him meant that his roomy now refused to pay him for work done because A had pawned everything in sight and broke up his furniture, and was just going to use every dime to do it up all over again...someone else is always at fault or guilty & i really do not understand this way of thinking).....anyways....When A asked to move himself and the few belongings he has left since our seperation into my new home, I said NO. I said NO over 5 times in that half and hour bs conversation. He raged and hung up violently on me. He called his mother. Threatened that he was going to do something crazy. She called me...."cant you just help him out a few days?" I said NO. HE IS NOT CLEAN. That was the last I heard from them but within 24 hours I got a call from a local hospital. He attempted to hurt himself. Would I see him? (no no no noooooo...im telling myself) But, Im his only friend...only family. We have a child together. I must tell the doctors he needs help. "Please help him!" The doctor reasures me they will keep him several days. As I leave I see him drunk and wild eyed..the monster I loathe. I know him seeing me stirs even more ugliness- he becomes restless and the guard tries to calm him. I leave voluntarily knowing that will calm the scene down. I drive away sad but feeling like I did all I could do and wondered if it was more than I should have done. TONIGHT TONIGHT......i feel so alone and i feel so sorry for him. i hate not knowing where or how he is...i cant do anything to help him...not even take him cigs. What I feel is all the old feelings haunting me and wonder how that two short days just messed up my head---you wont believe that when his mother called me tonight and told me she was flying down to try and help, i told her she could stay with us while she was here and maybe he could toooooo. How did I let myself fall for this craziness again so quickly too? BTW...I havent been to any groups or meetings, ya'll are my first attempt to reach out for any thoughts. I will be reading the posts here for some new insight, and I will be looking for a group. Thanks-your stories and strength is amazing.