You both rock! I am so happy to hear how you both are handling you situations.
I've been divorced from my AH for almost 5 years now. We have no contact except indirectly through our adult children. My issue is not with him (anymore), and I wonder at times if it ever was. I just LET it be about him. Because, you see, my anxiety and self doubt has ebbed and flowed since my divorce; sometimes to tidal wave levels!!!
But, just a few days ago I started to really see things in a new way; the way you are both seeing your situations now..... My new motto is "I'm #1" Not in a selfish, entitlement way; but when I am contemplating any action or decision - I just think about what "I" want and need. It stirs up my worries about being "selfish", but I remind myself that I am a caring and giving person, by nature, and what I naturally want will not be unreasonable selfish or cruel to another. And further, if they feel that it is; it is their obligation to tell me; not mine to read their mind.
So, I have felt soooo free these last few days. It is amazing how many ways I still put others first; even as to what I cook, where we eat, what we watch on TV, when we go to bed.... Now I just recognize what I want, and head in that direction. I listen and compromise with others in my life, but I don't try to base my decisions on what I think they will want.
Happiness beyond what I ever imagined!!!!