((((dogged))))
I feel a lot of pain in your post, what I can tell you is that many of us could have written this post when we first arrived here. No, it's not normal, it's the result of being in a relationship with someone who is in active addcition. All of these behaviors from him are so typical of a self centered, pleasure seeking, dishonest, blame shifting, denying drug addcit. All he cares about is his next high, everything in his life is designed to support his addiction. He sounds like a loser, sorry if that is tough to read, but from what you are written, he sounds very cruel.
You did not cause this, you can not control it, and you can not cure it.
The only one you can control is you. You mentioned that you felt shame at the al anon meetings, believe me, the people who are at those meetings understand, and they will support you.
No contact sounds like the first best step for you. If it were me, I would pack all of his stuff up, and find someone to take it to him and be done with it. You will not begin your journey of healing until you get get some time and space between this monster and yourself. Only then will you begin to see how important you are, how your issues of co dependency can be muddled through, and how you can and will pick yourself up and find yourself again. I too lost myself in a relationship with and alcoholic, the chaos of that relationship turned me into someone I did not know. I have come a long way, hard work and finding compassion for myself was the key.
You said you Love him, what I have learned is that Love empowers us, it does not damage us.
Please keep posting, continue your sessions with your counselor, maybe try al anon again, but most importantly , go no contact with this guy, continuing to engage with him will only make you sicker. Reach out to friends and family, tell them you are in trouble and you need help, surround yourself with those who care about you.
We are here and we care! Love to you Katie xo