I'm not feeling all that happy, useful and whole today.lol
I'm not sad or anything and I rarely ever am since I have gotten sober , I am just takin it easy today, feeling kinda lazy, it's a cold day in Florida .
But that is ok because I am sober . I am kinda sleepy today and kicking back .
But I can tell you this, I did not wake up craving a drink and that is a miracle .
I actually feel really guilty when I am not doing something useful or helpful .
But it is not the kind of guilt I lugged around when I was drinking .
The guilt I had when I was drinking was a guilt that I knew would just keep on giving and no matter how hard I tried to change and not drink I could not do it on my own .
And I just kept racking up more guilt and more to my horrendnous acoholic story .
Today it's ok to be a slouch once in awhile . I didn't hurt anyone today .
Considering I could undoubtedly be sitting in a psych ward, detox center or jail cell,
All of which I have frequented many times .
Well, the day actually just got better with that thought lol .
I know tomorrow I will be back in full gear and actually have the ability unlike a yr ago, to be of service to others, take care of my responsibilties and do what I need to do .
Now if I let up on my daily maintenance of my own program today I need to be worried about that as I am and will always be an alcoholic and I need to do a few simple things daily to stay spiritually fit so as not to want to drink .
I made contact with my higher power. I read a little literature today, 1 online meeting and spoke to another alkie . Did a little service work .
I feel confident that I will not drink today .
But today was a day when I put forth the bare minimum .
The more effort I put forth in my recovery, the better days I have and the more joy and peace I feel .
Today I feel joy most days. I am available for the people who need me, I remembered it was Valentine's day over a week ago. That is a miracle .
In the past I would be running round the next day buying candy on sale because I forgot and feeling like a real jerk(More guilt) .
Today I don't have to live that way anymore if I follow a few suggestions .
Pray, meetings, steps with sponsor, literature, service work .
Happy to be alive today. Thanks
