WOW, Outonalimb, you rock. You are an inspiration to me!!!
What a success for you, what a lesson for me. Thank you. You said:
I got all weepy. And then the anxiety/panic attacks set in. I'm afraid of this man. Hellllloooooo...that's why I got the restraining order in the first place. His actions and behavior are erratic and dangerous. So why in the he** did I go to that place? The one where I wring my hands and wonder how he's doing?
The answer is simple. I go there because I have been profoundly effected by the disease of alcoholism. I am still sick. I am still recovering. It will take me a life time to recover. But I am recovering. Inch by inch. Baby step by baby step.
You are so right. Because my AH has not filed ANY financial documentation for the divorce, missed every deadline, I have gotten myself into a twit again: it must be me, how can I make a fair settlement for both of us if he never files anything, will he file or won't he, maybe he's hurting and still wants me... I have been feeling woebegone, put upon, drawn back in to his passive/aggressive web.
Reading what you've done has gotten my head back on straight. Like you say above, I am still sick of the disease of alcoholism/co-dependence. Like you did, I far too easily sink back into HIS mindset, HIS frame of reality, then wonder what to do. You said next:
And then I said...wait one cotton picking minute here.
He isn't running my show anymore. I am.... I don't have to go to 'that place' anymore where I worry and wring my hands and live in fear and anxiety.
Nope. I'm stronger than all that.
So today, when he tried to call me again, I got mad again. And this time I did something about it. I stood up for myself.... I am going to press charges. And I"ll press them again and again and again until he gets it through his thick skull that the ship formerly known as 'codependent Mary' has sailed.
As I sit down again this afternoon to try to figure out what kind of information I do have to make this financial settlement in my own best interest, I am going to think of you all the way. I am a fair person at heart, AND I am entitled to think solely and clearly about what I will need to live reasonably for the rest of my years. If he wanted input, he could have given it. He didn't. It's my show now.
So, if you see a smaller shipping plugging along in your wake, it is ME!
I hope I can absorb this lesson half as well as you have. I hope this is not intruding on your thread; I don't mean it that way. You just have blazed a path forward while I've been thrashing about in the brambles.
What a release! What a relief!
ShootingStar1