day 3 thoughts
i had this thought the other day that has sort of been stuck in my head. You know, every time I have tried (and failed) to quit drinking I would always think to myself, why can't I be like all these other normal people who can just drink a beer or 2 and watch a ball game, completely normal, and not have it affect them. Why does it have to **** up my life so much? Why can't I be normal like them? And it's just felt so sad and pathetic and depressing. Because it made me feel like such a weak, flawed, bad person.
But lately, this time around, I've been having a slightly different verison of that thought. Now I think about the people who can go a week or 2, even months without drinking or even thinking about alcohol. It just isn't a part of their life, and they seem so happy and normal. And I thought, I want that. Why can't I be like that? And that isn't so depressing or sad. Because that is a goal I can actually have. I'm not there now, but I think I can get there one day. I don't think I care any more about what I'll be missing out on by not having that one or two beers with the guys. I've been there, done that, and that just didn't work out. I wasn't happy living like that, I was sick. Anyway, I'm only on day 3 right now. So I'm definitely not "normal" like those guys who can drink in moderation. I'm also not yet "normal" like the guy who lives his life free from alcohol or thoughts of alcohol. But I think I CAN be that guy. That's what I want. And maybe I'll never be completely "normal" in terms of alcohol, but I think that one day, I'll be living happily without it. And I'm looking forward to it. I don't know if this makes as much sense when I type it out as it does in my head, but it makes me feel pretty good.
Anyway, one day at a time. Hope I can keep this up.