Originally Posted by
ThethreeCs 
The thing I struggle with is pretending to not care, when I do. Hanging up, walking away, not listening always feels like abandonment. It is hard when you love someone and have to act like you don't.
You don't have to pretend anything. You can acknowledge that you care, but also acknowledge that the stress, strain and suffering that this relationship brings into your life means he cannot be part of it. I've heard it said here many times but always believe it bears repeating: There are people you will always love but who cannot be part of your life.
Oh, also: No Contact = No New Hurts. That's a good one!
I know it feels like abandonment, but be careful of projecting your fears onto him. It would for sure feel like abandonment to
you if he refused your phone calls or didn't want to talk. You know that. If it feels that way to him, which you cannot really know, then it is up to him to figure out his role in the dynamic, and, if it is important enough, to make the necessary changes to have better relationships.
I hear that you want to take better care of yourself, and that's awesome. I would just be wary of framing that in a way that seems like it has to come at his expense. A better, healthier you is better for everyone. Wishing you strength and courage.