You weren't rambling, kizzie. The first weeks are usually filled with anxiety and doubt. Everything will get better and easier as you get some sober time behind you. One day these uncomfortable times will just be a dim memory. You're doing great in seeking a better life for you and your family. Most of what you're feeling is normal - I know it certainly was for me.
I hope your meeting goes better than you expect it to. Take it easy on yourself and be patient as you heal from all you've been through. Let us know how it's going when you get back.