ninja07

I have broken up with my boyfriend. I didn’t want to but he is an alcoholic and he assaulted me the other night. He was drunk and we argued and I should have walked away but I didn’t. I dumped out his beer. I have cuts and bruises; he spent the night in jail. Right now, I am living in his house and he is in a hotel. I hate alcohol; it brings out the stupid, the angry, the hate and fear in people. And not just in the drinker, in the enabler as well – that’s me. This was not the first alcohol fueled fight, there were many and this was not the first time that he hit me. I stayed because he was great when he was sober… raise your hand if you’ve heard that before. I stayed because I am just as addicted to him as he is to his booze. I need to be free of the fear, self-loathing and anxiety that the alcohol brings into my life. In my head, I keep thinking that he’ll get better. I keep that thought in the rawest part of my heart so I can push it and pick at it like a fingernail that’s falling off but is still attached by a thick band of red, sticky flesh. I imagine it all so clearly; he gets clean, goes through a lot of soul searching and therapy and is free of his demons. Yeah, then we live the dreams that we made together while he was sober. He says that I should stay here with my son and he'll get another place for now. I don't know what to do!