Welcome to the Board. I'm sorry for you pain and suffering, but I'm glad you sought us out.
This struck me:
I am dating a guy whom I've known for over 15 yrs. We are both 25. We just started dating a few months ago. I went through a divorce this last year and he is my first boyfriend since then, I finally became ready to date. We fell in love, he treats me amazing, he provides me with emotional support when I Need it and when I am with him I feel complete. I can see being with him the rest of my life.
He has been a drug addict and alcholic for the past 8 years. He has done everything you can imagine, from heroin, to meth, to shooting up ativan, to coke and marijuana.
So...you're 25, recently divorced, and you chose to become romantically entangled with someone with an 8 year history of substance abuse. You must be cognizant that while he is using, you don't know "him". You know "him on drugs", and the two people are very often different.
I have two nieces roughly your age, and when I read a story like yours, it breaks my heart. I guess it's because if my nieces made the decision you made, it would really make me sad. I do not say this to make you feel bad, or to put you down. I say this because starting today, your "recovery" from this experience needs to be about you. And part of that is getting honest about what makes us tick and why we do what we do. Otherwise, the pain and suffering we endure is for naught.
Regarding your AXBF...be aware that while he's under the influence of whatever he's on, you can't trust anything that comes out of his mouth. You also can't help him. He has to want to find recovery on his own. And as much as you may want it for him and others want it for him, it's all on him.
I strongly encourage you to read the sticky note "What Addicts Do" as many times as you need to until the words and their meaning are imprinted on your conscience. I strongly encourage you to find a local Nar Anon and/or Al Anon meeting, too. Go in, eyes, ears, mind open...listen and learn.
Please be safe.
ZoSo