Thanks mydee and pt and all of you ! Wondering if ill have to go to recovery for being addicted to SR ! I got this amazing card in the mail from a friend today saying how lucky she felt to have me etc. was so cool to get something in the mailbox today. Ohhhh you are so right about the busy mind. I went on a Buddhist vipassana course about four yrs ago, they call it the monkey mind : always craving or aversion, never just is. Ten days of meditation, no talking whatsoever ! No drinking, smoking. My god I never cried so much in my life. A few of my friends have done it , we call it the Buddhist concentration camp 😊but I've been thinking about that concept / craving / aversion. And trying to draw on the fact that I managed to do those ten days so I can surely do at least ten days now ? Anyway I'm gunna roll with that and get to that point and START AGAIN as they also say an awful lot at meditation. Btw to anyone interested they have these retreats all over the world. I wouldn't reccomend doing it my way , going in cold turkey and in total turmoil, but afterwards it could be good. Gotta go report in at the docs. Ugg. Thanks again for listening to me drivel on. I've missed writing I realise.