Hi pt. yes I definitely felt a connection with your posts not least Bc of our shameful secret ! Also it sounds like you have the job I've always dreamed of. I'm starting to know deep down that if I don't drink I won't be getting back together with him , even though he says that's what he wants. I'm pretty I won't want him, wont be able to be a sober me with him. He's not exactly being supportive, he's just gone and pretty much incommunicado. Who knows miracles have happened. We had a lot of love but more hurt I'd say. But enough! No more wallowing ! Now my nana used to say -if you don't laugh you'll cry , expect the worst you'll never be disappointed ! So from that I'm trying to understand I'm gunna feel like crap and deal with it and try and laugh instead of crying. Sometimes I just watch clip after clip on you tube of stand up to force myself to laugh. Try tim minchin - some people have it worse than I. Only if your not easily offended !!!! Xxx