You are NOT blowing it out of proportion. Read this forum, especially the "stickies" up top. Alcoholics have to deny the problem, have to make issues about you, because to admit their drinking problem would require them to do something about it. And the addiction inside won't allow them to do that.
Al-Anon spirituality doesn't depend on belief in a deity. It has more to do with learning to rely upon a power greater than yourself to guide you. For some people, that is the power of the universe, or simply the power that comes from being with a group of people who understand and support you. It saved MY sanity when I was with an alcoholic husband who was drinking himself to death.