Hi Seiceps,
I was blown away by the rawness in your post and it reminded me of me as well. My first second, my first day, my first week, my first month was hell but I hung in there. It gets better the more time passes, you just have to hang on to that and the fact that you are doing the right thing for yourself by becoming sober.
Be gentle and remember that when you are feeling down, that's it's just for now, it too shall pass. In the meantime, sending you good vibes and lots of love your way.
Take care and be safe.